En'graved in my memories

Happy mother's day to all mummies in the world! Even though I'm not yet officially a mother yet, but I'm still a mummy to my lil princess inside me. So, happy mother's day to me as well! Just two more months till it becomes official, till my babygirl's arrival into this world. I'm so excited! She's growing well, actively practising her kung-fu kicks inside me. I love her so much. Just to be able to feel her move inside me, that feeling's indescribably amazing. Jinyao loves to place his face at my tummy when she kicks as well. He's just like a kid himself, having that innocent look of pure joy when he feels the lil one's kicks.

Sometimes, the fact that I'm going to be a mother soon, still scares me. Sometimes, I can still exclaim to Jinyao, "Omg. I'm really pregnant." when it's already been 7months! I'm just thankful that I'm never alone, that I have so many people's supports. Especially to my beloved parents, who's always there for me, guiding me through this phrase of life. I'm still just a kid myself, I'm not prepared to grow up. They were right, I'm not ready for this baby. But decisions have been made, I'm just really glad they're here with me to face all this and not blaming me for anything.

I'm really blessed that God put me into this family. I hope to be able to give my daughter the same amount of love, or even more, that my parents have showered upon me. In the past, when I was still a rebellious teenager, I would always say I hate them. For all the things that I didn't get, for all the things that didn't go my way, I blamed them all for it. Now that I'm going to be a mother myself, I know how much that must have hurt. I'm sorry for all the pain I've caused them, for all the tantrums I've thrown, for all the worries and heartbreaks I put them through. My parents' love for me are beyond anything in this world, I'm thankful for it all. (:

"I now declare you, man and wife."

We got married on 25th Feb 2012, and we'll be expecting our bundle of joy, our little princess, this coming July. And I cut my hair short as well! *gasps* I have not had short hair since I was 10 years old!

Many things have changed and affected both our lifes permanently. Pray and hope for the best of everything. All I want is a blissful marriage life and our little princess to be born safe and healthy.

Till death do us apart...
I love you, Jin Yao.

For so long, I've been telling myself that everything is going to be okay, everything will turn out fine. Will it really? Or will everything we've tried so hard to hold on to just fall apart eventually?

I shouldn't be feeling this way, not with the wedding just 5 days away, not when it's our special 20th today. But I'm crying, all the tears of pain just run down my face...

I don't feel special to you. Sometimes it's just like I'm just another girl in your life, and you're so unfortunately stucked with me because of the baby inside me. The way you look at others, the way you speak to others... You're so oblivious to my feelings, sometimes it feels as though I don't even exist in your eyes, your heart. I shouldn't be comparing myself with others, there shouldn't be a reason for me to. But you always tend to forget about me when you're so absorbed with others.

You're going to be my husband in 5 days. Yet, you don't even know what hurts me... How can I stop crying? Who can take my pain, my tears, and my memories away? I don't want to remember your neglect.

You've always been great. But it's always the little things that make everything turn to naught...

After hotel and flight tickets has been booked, I went into intensive research for things to do in Taipei. I was totally having travel stress during the 2 months before we went to Taipei. Reading forums, travel blogs, reviews, etc. Every single day, I'll definitely be researching after I come home from work. Planning for this trip even more than I plan for my life! (TSKTSK) However, I don't regret. Because with all the information I gathered through the internet, I was able to enjoy my 5 days 4 nights in Taipei tremendously without really missing out anything.

For your information, my trip to Taipei was very relaxed, because yao doesn't like to sight see, neither does he like museums. Our itinerary practically covered only the night markets, so we really had a lot of time on our hand. For my following posts, I will be blogging about the places I went, things I did, etc. But I will also *maybe, hopefully* inject a few places you can go to, as I've gathered really quite a lot of information from my research, even though I did not personally go to the places myself during this trip. We spent most of our afternoons in the hotel room(the Sun was really HOT!) so.......... there's actually really plenty of time to go other places, just that we chose not to. :)

*to be updated*

FOR MY OWN REFERENCE ;
- things to be done before leaving singapore
- research on sunset timing
- youth travel card
- digital buddy
- restaurant locations
- things to bring along with you

On 26 or 27 July, yao told me that he has overseas leave from 7 - 12 July. Immediately started planing for a trip to Taiwan, Taipei. It was quite impromptu, but we still had 2 months for research and preparation.

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That night, I went to research for a hotel room that was located in a convenient location as well as reasonable pricing per night. I am quite anal about the design of the hotel room, so the budget hotels like Rainbow hotel or TaShun hotel which are very much recommended by forumers are a no-no for me unless there was no other choice. Chanced upon this hotel, CityInn Hotel Plus, on www.booking.com. The design of the room immediately captured my attention, plus the amazing location(right infront of XiMen Metro station Exit 3 and 5mins walking distance to XiMenDing), the raving reviews from guests who has stayed there, as well as the reasonable room rates. Immediately booked the hotel and made prepayment with my credit card. They will not charge you the money until you've arrived at the hotel on the day. Furthermore, there is no charge for cancellation or modification of booking up to 14 days from date of arrival. If within 14 days, first night will be charged. At this point of time, I still have not booked or checked out the prices for the flight tickets, but I could book the hotel room since there will be no charge for cancellation.

Booked the Elegant Room for 4 nights, amounting to 12180NTD in total.
(Approximately S$520, S$130/night)

P.S, there are 4 City Inn Hotels in Taipei. This is the newest hotel of the 4 as of date.

Website: CityInn Hotel Plus
Address: No.63, Baoqing Rd., Zhongzheng Dist., Taipei City 100, Taiwan (R.O.C.)
Phone number: +886-2-7725 2288
Email: service4@cityinn.com.tw

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Bought our flight tickets 2 days later, after a little bit of research and comparison. As we were afraid the prices would raise, we decided to just buy the flight tickets as long as the pricing was reasonable. I'm not sure if it did, cos I did not check back. But for 2 ways, we paid approximately $400 per pax, which I found to be acceptable. Definitely, there could be cheaper rates ($200 per pax or even lesser), but since it was quite an impromptu decision, so we did not really have the time to go into intensive research and comparisons, or to wait for flight sales.

Flight Details

Wed 07 Sept 2011
Airline: Jetstar
Departure time: 0710hr / 7:10am Changi Airport Terminal 1
Arrival time: 1155hr / 11:55am Taoyuan International Airport - Terminal 1
Cost for 2 pax: S$449 (1 way, inclusive 20kg check in luggage for 1 pax only)
* 15kg check in luggage in total would be sufficient. My mum bought 20kg by accident.

Sun 11 Sept 2011
Airline: Tiger Airways
Departure time: 2100hr / 9:00pm Taoyuan International Airport - Terminal 1
Arrival time: 0135hrs (12 Sept 2011) / 1:35am Singapore Changi Airport Budget Terminal
Cost for 2 pax: S$347.51 (1 way, inclusive 20kg check in luggage for 1 pax only) 
* 20kg check in luggage is definitely NOT enough. Please buy more or you've got to pay excess, which is legal robbery, I swear. Mum bought 20kg check in luggage for 1 pax ONLY, and our total luggage weight when we came back was approx 27kg. Excess per 1kg will be charged at 500NTD. Thank goodness we had another option to buy 15kg check in luggage for the 2nd person at 750NTD (This only applies if you did not buy the check in luggage option when you booked the flight tickets). End up, I checked in another piece of hand carry which totaled the weight up to 35kg exactly.

☆

Next Post: Research and Preparations

Boyfriend's at Ex Wallaby, again. Counting from now, 20 days till he returns. At least this year, I've got his roaming activated for his phone, so I'm able to get texts from him every now and then. The waiting wouldn't be as torturous as it was last year, though I still miss him just the same.

And when he returns back to Singapore, just a little bit slightly over a month till he ORDs! Finally, I'll be able to spend more time with him instead of only the weekends, when unfortunately, I'll always be working. He'll wait for me to end work, we'll go home, sleep, and then he'll send me to work again. This has always been the routine for our "time spent together", and has resulted to a few quarrels here and there. Hopefully things will be better once he's out from the army, and hopefully we won't get sick of seeing each other every single day by then. (hehehe)

Will blog on my Taipei trip soon, hopefully! When I'm not so lazy. Stay tuned!

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One thing that I've realised, is that no matter how much we quarrel, no matter how hard I fight to break free, no matter how many times you've just let me slipped away, the love we have for each other in our hearts is truly unbreakable.

This trip to Taiwan, really made us even closer than before. I was really, truly, genuinely happy being together with you. Forgotten all about the fights and quarrels we had prior to the trip, forgotten all about the worries and inscurities that I had.

Please let everything stay this way...

After everything that we've been through, you're the only one I want to be with.
For all my life, I'm yours.

I decided that I didn't want to carry on with you anymore. My heart was so utterly broken, I felt so painfully empty. So messed up, I didn't know what to feel, I couldn't even cry. I was hurt, disappointed, angry, frustrated. Whatever I said to you, you didn't reply me. Even when I said that if you're not going to reply me, you wouldn't be able to talk to me anymore in future; you still kept silent. I felt so... insignificant, so unimportant. Like I don't even matter to you at all. I felt like a fool, trying so hard to get your attention, trying so desperately to get you to care. But that was it, you made me feel like you didn't even bother if you can't talk to me anymore, that it doesn't matter if you lost me. I couldn't find anything to hold on to, because you just let me slip away. You got up, you left the room locking the door behind you. I started to feel the pain, but I know that this time, even if I were to regret, I'm not going to change my decision just because I can't bear to leave you. If I were to change my decision, it was only going to be because you prove to me that you still wanted me. Before you closed the locked door behind you, I shouted at you, "if you leave, don't ever come back again..." But yet, you just closed the door shut, locking yourself out of my room, just like you locked yourself out of my life, my heart. I was furious, how could you just leave without even putting up a fight? I stormed out of my room, took my house keys and unlocked the main gate. You're free to leave, this is your own choice now... I wouldn't stop you, it's your choice to leave or stay. Don't regret.....

I slammed my room door shut, my heart pounding furiously against my chest. Taking deep breaths, trying to calm myself down, I slowly felt the pain seep into my heart, and the tears into my eyes and they gently glided down my cheeks. I wasn't sure if he would stay. I was scared that he would really leave. But I told myself, no matter how pain, I've got to accept that this is the final outcome if he doesn't turn back.

But he did.

If only you could always be there to tell me that things are gonna be okay no matter what.
But you're always leaving me just because I tell you to... 
Why wouldn't you put in an effort to stay?
Or am I just not worth it.....

You once said that because of me, you lost your friends. I guess right now, it's going to be the other way round. I'm not forcing you to choose, because I know it is impossible and childish. You're not my possession, I will not control what you do. But you are way too insesitive to my feelings. You do not know your limits. So this has to end. I don't want to listen to your lies anymore. I don't know how to believe anything that you say anymore. How many times have you disappointed me because of this? And you know I hate this.

I'm sorry. Even if I still love you, even how hard it is for me to make this decision, I have made up my mind to leave. Because in your life, I will never be your priority. I will never be a part of your life.

What's the point of being in a relationship when there's no trust? How do you trust a person when there's no transparency? I can't do it. I've lost my trust, my hopes, and my faith through all the times this has happen.

I know it's very unfair, when I've always told you to hold on to me and don't let go. Yet now, I am the one who can't hold on anymore. I'm sorry for not keeping to my words. I know sorry can't take away the pain, I know it very well. But that's the only thing I have left for you - Sorry.